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“Do not mistake my appetite for apathy!”—Orion’s Take on Thor

May 7, 2011 3 comments

Bad movies can sometimes be good.  Stilted acting, corny costumes, and a little kitsch can act to render an otherwise terrible film quite enjoyable.  However, when a film transcends this kind of enjoyable terribleness, it plunges into the abyss of irredeemable stupidity.  Even the golden god of thunder can’t save this film from the trash can.

I don’t know how it is possible to make a movie like Eclipse look good.  Somehow, despite the formidable presence of a legend like Anthony Hopkins, this movie just sucked.  Maybe it was the utter incoherence of the plot—it’s as if the director couldn’t decide which angle to take (fantasy, sci-fi, comedy, romance?) so everything is smashed up into something that resembles a pile of sludge.  Though Chris Hemsworth does the best he can with a character that doesn’t do more than smirk and flex his muscles, but that simply is not enough.  What happened to Natalie Portman?  Watching her play an astrophysicist was as painful as getting teeth pulled.

The good parts?  What good parts?  No, ok, there were some redeemable scenes.  The scenes in which Thor beats some humans up is fun, but all the mystical/magical/fantasy fight scenes are an exercise choppy editing and more incoherency.  The humor is offbeat and often quite funny, but it simply can’t justify a terrible plot and even worse character development.  I don’t know what to say to such incompetency.

I guess all we can do is wait for Captain America and cross our fingers.

1.5/5 Waffles

Orion

This mortal form grows weak! I require sustenance! – on ridiculous attempts in “Thor”

It was down to “Thor” and “Fast Five” this week, and because I love Norse mythology, “Thor” won out.  Bad decision!  Hopefully, this terrible film doesn’t forever taint my memories of Thor, Odin, Loki, and all the rest.  In this movie, Thor is banished to Earth from Asgard for violating a truce between the frost giants and the Asgardians.  There, he meets astrophysicist Natalie Portman, falls in love, and learns (how exactly he learns, and from what, we’re not quite sure).

Giant Chris Hemsworth again dwarfs Portman, and the supposedly love that develops between the two is entirely ridiculous.  I don’t even know what the directors/writers were trying to go for when they made this happen.  It doesn’t help that the setup takes an incredibly long time to even get the story rolling, thereby cutting into valuable relationship-development time; actually, what am I talking about?  There was no relationship development.

While the drama in Asgard was okay, shot against a neat-looking background of gold and rainbows, the scenes on earth were just terrible.  This feels like one of those ideas that work really well in comic books, but a lot less so in movies.  This is especially bad because the movie kept cutting back and forth from Asgard to the New Mexico desert.  The fight scenes were also mediocre; after all, Thor has been deprived on his powers as part of his exile punishment, and keeps getting knocked out by silly things (I’m talking tasers here).

Overall – 2/5.  How in the world did “Thor” get such high approval ratings on Rotten Tomatoes?

Best regards,

Apple

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